FedEx Training Attack Hawks: Amazon Drones Beware

SkyNet was a fictional representation of a robot Apocalypse - robot drones occupy the skies delivery humanity to the brink of extinction.

This isn't that.

Recently uncovered footage shows a hawk downing what could be an Amazon delivery drone.

What first appeared as random attacks, is thought to be results of a secret training program.  Eye witness accounts of birds attacking innocent, privately owned, 'quad-copter' drones around the world point to one possibility: Avian Skulduggery.

Just outside Memphis, TN, FedEx World Headquarters,  locals have been noticing an increase in "Bird-nappings" - pet hawks, crows, canaries and even Canadian Geese have been reported missing at a alarming rate.

"The other morning, I was feeding the geese.  I had to get more feed.  When I came back out, all 20 of 'em were gone.  Without a trace.  It's the damnedest thing...its like they just flew away...", reports Jimmie Casey, the neighborhood goose wrangler.

GoPro and QuadPod enthusiasts say their drones are under attack.  Hawks, crows and geese appear to have a singular mission; attack, maul and negate mechanical intruders.

Flying birds are not the only recruits.  Recently released NSA footage shows field training of a FedEx recruit, pestering a UPS driver.

There's more.

Obtained through the Freedom of Information Act, footage shows a foul-recruitment technique designed to entice American Bald Eagles. Locals refused to answer any questions regarding 'attack Eagles' on camera. But un-named sources close to the project said,

"It's a mess out there.  It's like they're being trained to eat fish and attack pickup trucks.  I don't like it."


More Rumors -

Internet groups like Next Day Delivery and online forum, Package Shipping are filled with whispers of a secret program, named 'Drone: Attack, Maul, Negate'(DAMN).  This program is believed to the brainchild of either Elon Musk, Sir Richard Branson or Meg Whitman.  Perhaps all three are forming a triad.

More details as our investigation continues...for now, keep your eyes to the skies and watch The Birds.

Click to email me.



* Do I need to mention that the above is a work of fiction, fantasy and fantastical?

"Mobile Class of 2012: No Print" A Managed Print Services Story

09/2012 - 

Dear Reader, 

Please remember this article was created and first posted in 2012.  Today's technology was eight years away.

Enjoy.

____

I subscribed to Dropbox and Box.net. I wanted the ability to send documents to the cloud and access them from my TouchPad anywhere in the world.

It worked great. For example, I create a master blog article at night, then reviewed, finalized, and sent it from 10,000 feet in the air the next morning. (Mile High Club – sweet!) 

There is more: I didn’t need to “send” the file as an attachment; I simply shared the folder with my editor. When she opens the file or document, I am notified. When she needs a new contract initialed, instead of emailing me a 12-page PDF, she simply drops the file into our shared folder, and the cloud notifies me of the new document. Revisions, digital signatures, and final drafts are all handled from a tablet. The final “print” is on a website, not ink on paper.

And I know I don’t need to point out how much paper was not used in this workflow, do I?

What the HP Split Tells Us About HP's Managed Print Services

It's an outhouse.  Made out of the shipping container for Edgeline.

For years the definition of managed print services has been bandied around like a beach ball on Labor Day Weekend. Your definition of MPS rotated around your particular strengths.

For instance, if you refilled empty toner cartridges, your MpS is all about less expensive toner. If you're a copier dealership, your MpS may orient around centralized MFD's and optimization means a single brand of devices. Still, if you are a big box, office supplies vendor, your MpS is all about desk side toner delivery.

My definition of MPS tries to be encompassing: my monitoring software is in on a screen inside my NOC, right next to the CCTV and Level Platforms. My optimization, for example, includes reducing the number of devices in an accounting department to zero and implementing digital workflow systems and dual monitors.

So, back in 2009, my MPS included everything from ink and service delivery, staff augmentation, Sharepoint, laptop imaging, and unified communications. I was a big HP house. I sold only HP toner, servers, laptops, printers and...oh yeah, Edgeline multifunction behemoths.